If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
