Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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