And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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