How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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