i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am available for nakedness
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
