All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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