her vagine was all disorganized.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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