yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
