Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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