I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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