Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize