i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize