It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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