i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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