My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
