in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
