ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
