I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize