You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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