U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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