I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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