I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
