you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize