I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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