So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize