he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
