i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've blown a few things in my day
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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