Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
