You're so nebulous sometimes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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