i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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