She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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