Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize