I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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