I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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