hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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