one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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