He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
