Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
