hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
