and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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