I think my fart just growled at me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
