you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize