Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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