You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
