I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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