It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
