oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
