she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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