Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
