also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
smell my finger.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
