I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
