She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
