I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
