So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
