At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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