Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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