Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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