You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
and you fell through a lawn chair
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize