She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
