i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
