blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
