I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
