i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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